Forgive and ... Remember

We’ve all heard, “Forgive and Forget,” yet what does that really mean? Some people can forgive and put whatever trespasses that occurred, completely out of their minds. Others, like myself, would find that to forget, would be making the effort to stuff down the emotions tied to incidents of betrayal. How do you forget what someone has done when it feels like your very soul is ripped apart? Most of all, how do you forgive such atrocities? How does someone forgive a murderer or rapist? How do you forgive broken trust?

I don’t recall ever being taught how to forgive. I always heard that if I did something wrong, I asked for forgiveness and tried to never make the same mistake twice. Generally, it was better that I never did anything wrong to begin with. So, when someone did something wrong that affected me, I would be angry because I felt they didn’t try as hard as I did. Yet, I was supposed to accept the apology as though everything was fine.

Over the years, I’ve gained insights that have helped me grapple with the complexities of forgiveness. Actually, I’ve learned that it’s not all that complex.

First, it’s important to recognize the very real emotions tied to any act that requires forgiveness. Shoving them aside, stuffing them inside, or ignoring them to be the better person is not healthy and will ultimately cause more anguish. It’s okay to feel angry, mad, upset, depressed, betrayed, defeated, or any other emotion that comes from being wronged in some way. Own it and find healing.

Part of the healing comes from forgiving the wrong-doing regardless of whether an individual sought out atonement. In other words, a person doesn’t have to ask for forgiveness to be released of their karmic debt.

Truly forgiving someone requires stepping back and looking at the big picture … trying stepping back even further … a little more .. And even then, when it’s not possible to gain the perspective of the big picture, it is necessary to recognize that it may not be possible to see the entire scene. I’ve found solace in learning that, when we die, we are not judged. The Creator/Spirit/God … whatever you prefer to call source of creation, is unconditional love. How could anything that provides unconditional love ever condemn and damn a part of itself? And if each of us comes from that same source and is part of that same source, we cannot be denied a welcomed return. We are all one. Instead, when we return from our human existence, we are given an opportunity to recover and reevaluate the life we experienced. We learn from it. There is no right or wrong. It just IS.

So, back to the one that is trying to forgive - if we recognize that every encounter is an opportunity to learn, and that we do not have to understand why someone enacted an injustice upon us, we can, instead, benefit from the encounter. We can even go a step further and say to the all-that-is, “Thank you for helping me see xyz, and I am willing to learn future lessons free of such difficult turmoil. Teach me lessons in ways that are filled with grace and ease.”

We have free will, and we exercise that free will when we choose how to act and react to situations and other people. Forgiveness helps us heal, releases us from experiencing the pain of injustice through memories, and gives us opportunity to learn from and understand those in the world around us. Listen to the podcast where Margo and I discuss so much more about forgiveness.

If you are interested in learning more, feel free to email me. If you need guidance in your own personal experiences, I’m happy to set up an appointment with you.

Original broadcast on January 20, 2021.